


Home: Calling from Out There

by L_The_other_consulting_detective



Series: Home in the bonds we forge [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Introspection, Kissing, M/M, Soulbonds, Soulmates, Talking, Thought Projection, emotional link, it's all canon compliant up until end of s6, part 1 technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L_The_other_consulting_detective/pseuds/L_The_other_consulting_detective
Summary: When Shiro left Keith was happy for him, really. The stranger feelings in his chest needed some thought and maybe he'd have time for that. Then the mission fails and Keith is alone with a hole where he thinks something big is supposed to be.Shiro can't place when he started thinking the glimmer of emotion might have something to do with Keith but the white knuckled grip he has over his chest as he watches Keith fight his way to "Knowledge or Death" doesn't go unnoticed.Just two people trying to place themselves in a war without time enough to do it.





	Home: Calling from Out There

**Author's Note:**

> So this would technically be the first part of the story for this series, whoops. Also it's choppy because it's a prequel. The real meat of this series is likely going to be post s6 into s7 stuff so...and also canon will eventually fly out the window (it always does with me).
> 
> Sheith-talker.tumblr.com

Shiro was a magnet and Keith felt like grains of sand, helpless and crumbling in the pull. Maybe that feeling was why he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, maybe it was that the thought of being able to choose to leave Shiro was painful. Keith knew that while Shiro wasn’t the center of his universe, being without him would be like missing his dominate arm, off balancing and painful.

“-understood why but it still hurt, so thanks for being here.”

Keith blinked, forcing himself to focus on the words that Shiro was continuing to speak.

“He left you.”

Shiro tilted his head to look at Keith instead of up at the ship that was going to whisk him away from Keith, “Technically no. Not until I board that ship.”

Adam is insane, Keith decides, thinking about the warm affection Shiro has always shown him 

let alone the deep love he witnesses between Shiro and Adam. 

“The stars, being among them, it’s been my dream for so long. I can hardly wait!”

Shiro is also a little insane, Keith admits, looking at the genuine joy on his face as he looks again at the ship, his own joy singing through him. How else could someone be so good? Find so much good in things?

“I’m really proud of you.”

Keith doesn’t know what propels him to say it now, Shiro is hardly unaware of Keith’s pride, his own excitement to see his dearest friend achieve his goals. Just like Shiro is aware that Keith hates the distance that is going to be between them.

Shiro turns, the smile only growing brighter.

“Thanks Keith. I’m so glad you’re here, I didn’t want to have to leave without a goodbye. Going out there is what I want, but I’d like it better with you.”

Keith doesn’t speak to the warmth the words bring, just shrugs, “Eh, next time I’ll be with you, guess I’ll have to trust Matt to keep you in check this time.”

Shiro shoves him a little and Keith laughs, ignoring the flash burn of the contact, “Seriously though, come back soon.”

Shiro’s mirth doesn’t fade but his eyes are serious as promises, “Soon as we can.”

He pulls Keith into a tight hug and Keith bites back the sudden rush of emotion, so strong he swears it can’t only be his. He is really so happy for Shiro but he knows it’s going to be a painful time for him on Earth. They only part when Matt and Samuel Holt approach them.  Keith’s chest is tight and he can feel the way his smile hurts in its stretch but he’d never ask Shiro to stay.

 

* * *

 

Never say never. Keith hates the phrase so much, hates how it’s always been said to him in a mildly condescending tone that implies that nothing good lasts. Hates how he’s thought it too much since the day they tried to make him go to the memorial.

Shiro, Matt, Sam, faces plastered on every media outlet on the planet, the scroll of text underneath offensive lies about Shiro. At least none of that can reach him now, out in the desert as he is, doing anything he thinks will keep the feelings in his chest from eating him.

At first the phantom feelings had scared him, when he’d first come to the garrison it had been another of many new things and he’d thought they’d find out and kick him out for being even stranger than he already was. Over time the flashes of emotions from somewhere else became just another part of living and since the feelings were so often good it was almost nice. There was only once before Kerberos that he had wished they weren’t there. Keith knew what grief felt like, what the ache in his chest was telling him, the feelings were lost and angry. He’d been relieved when the feeling had lifted when he next spent the evening with Shiro, unaware it was the day after Adam left him.

The next time he’d really thought about the feelings was just days before the Kerebros Mission was deemed a failure. The fear that had racked him had sent him to his knees, vomiting in the training room that was mercifully empty. He’d spent the whole night curled on the floor with such deep terror and loss running through him. It had been so much.

Now, standing under the desert sun he can feel bile creeping up his throat again, foreign feelings flooding him again. This time Keith doesn’t have a name for them, some cocktail of desperation and self loathing with such strength he can’t compare them to anything. He tries to focus around them, the caves are getting almost interesting now and he’s standing at the entrance. The spike in sudden  _ hate  _ that burns through him leaves him dizzy and filled with his own bitted memories. 

Sometimes Keith tries to send feelings back. When things are quiet and he’s curled on the bed in the shack, staring at the pitifully small amount of information about Kerberos he pushes the hope he still holds, the unbreakable knowing that Shiro is out there, trying to reach whatever or whoever is so lost but connected to him.

Eventually, madly, he starts to think that the feelings have something to do with Shiro. Not that he ever lets himself think about that, it’s just a thought he can’t shake, and he hopes desperately that he’s helping, even if he knows he can’t hide his concern as well. Two months, six days, eight hours and thiry-two minutes from the moment Keith arrived at the shack the feelings stop.

It’s so abrupt. The too familiar swell of hatred and determination had soured into a new sort of terror, fear for someone else, wild in its need. Then nothing. Silence. Keith pressed his hands to his chest, kneeling in the doorway to his shack, dressed to go explore, his bag crumpled beside him and his red jacket thrown over a black shirt that was bunched under white knuckled hands.

The feelings, a tie he’d assumed was to Shiro, weren’t just gone, they’d hollowed him. He realized, now that it was gone, that they’re had been a warmth in his chest, a second life beneath his skin that had burned out.

_ Shiro’s dead. _

The thought crept into him, like an alien thing, for the first time and he tipped forward, forehead pressed to the warped floorboards, hands still feeling at his ribs for something, anything, and he screamed.

The next days passed in a blur, he had crawled to the bed, not bothering to shut the door, and collapsed. Part of him hoped some desert scavenger would come in and eat the hands that hadn’t held tightly enough, the body that hadn’t been capable enough to save the only person Keith had left.

The grief gave way to an apathy so deep that it might’ve been what saved him. He felt nothing, so feeling anything was strange. There was the lightest sensation, just a need to defend himself, something primal, that radiated through him. He focused and gradually realized that the emotions from elsewhere had just brushed against him, not totally missing, but not like before. Like hearing a familiar song played so low you couldn’t be sure it was actually there at all. He got out of the bed. 

 

When Shiro comes crashing back through the atmosphere, when Keith’s knuckles are brusied and their rocketing through space and Lance is being obnoxious and Keith is too grateful for his help and too angry he couldn’t do it himself to be kind, he realizes the feelings haven’t grown strong again. It must, he thinks, be something else then. Not Shiro. 

It shouldn’t feel like a let-down, but he can’t help the disappointment, snapping at Lance to shut up and pushing past Hunk as he tries to ease things. 

 

In the insanity that follows Keith can’t focus on the barely present emotions. He’s too busy becoming a hero, too busy relearning Shiro and learning his new team. Sometimes he wonders if his own flash burn anger about things, the way he yells at Pidge for wanting something perfectly normal, to find her family, is his own, or someone else. Sometimes he thinks that the strength of his irritations is too strong to just be one persons, but then he prods the entity sharing his ribcage and finds that no, it’s all him. The bitter, ugly emotions all seem to be his own and he can’t fully breathe around them. 

He wants to belong to these people, he realizes, watching them in the kitchen as Coran tries to talk them into eating something terrible. He wants to be a part of them and to have them be a part of him but he doesn’t know how. He feels like he has to stand apart, like something deep inside is missing and he’s too centered around the loss to be anything more than he is now.

It’s not him who finds the answer.  
  


* * *

 

 

Shiro has felt the low hum of so much pain for a long time now, his own body yes, but also something different. Something that had started the day he locked eyes with Keith Kogane. So much anger, a band-aid over the bleeding need to be part of something more, to have something deeper. It had shocked Shiro the first time he’d really felt it, the sudden urge to  _ hurt  _ just so that something, someone might know what it was like. It had robbed him of breath, left Adam frantic. It had passed, faded over time at the Garrison and Shiro began to believe it had never really been a big deal. It was rare that he felt anything from the space the anger had come from, and then it was only strong things, so often the joy was aligned with his own he didn’t really notice, the darker things were pushed away, maybe he needed therapy, he didn’t know. 

Then he’d been The Champion and the strange energy in his chest had been a comfort, a tie to something, a tie he’d associated with Keith, with someone waiting for him. After the first weeks not so black, empty and sad, but hopeful and focused too. It had grounded him, especially as he began to cultivate it, to pay attention to the feelings in the few minutes he had to himself, imprisoned as he was. Sometimes he swore it had to be someone else trying to reach him, such effort was put into thinking about hope, about good things, effort that he could feel was monumental against the damn of grief waiting for the other. It was hard to wrap himself around, his own feelings and theirs. The worry that beat under his skin for him but not his. Someone was worrying over him and he began to fear for them too.

The druids didn’t take long to notice the way he was touch his chest, the tendency he had to keep his own emotions as controlled as he could manage. He didn’t know how they knew, but when they started trying to draw out fear instead of just pain, when they seemed too focused on it, he went a little mad. He cut the cords holding him down, letting the warm presence in his chest free fall and he hated himself more.   
  


Watching Keith drag himself forward, the trials of the Blade battering against his determination, Shiro can’t help but curl his fingers over his chest, falling back on the tiny flutter of feeling he can still reach sometimes. Then Shiro sees himself and Kolivan is talking about what the suit can do and his double is  _ talking  _ and Shiro is blinded by the strength of feelings that aren’t his.

There’s so much loathing, it makes it hard to think around the swirl of misery, of regret, guilt, worthlessness, that is suddenly an inferno consuming him and he stares at the screen. This started when he met Keith, every time he felt that anger spike, Keith would show up with new bruises, now he’s drowning in the same feeling he sees in Keith’s eyes. Feeling caused by a mirage with his face.

“I’m going down there.” It’s not a request, it’s not even a threat, it just is. His fingers are clenched against his chest and Keith is mirroring it as he pants. Kolivan still stops him, it takes far too many of his men to do it but Shiro is rational enough to know fighting them is stupid.

 

“You should’ve told us you were bonded.”

 

Shiro blinks, eyes flicking away from the screen where Keith has collapsed, to land on Kolivan’s face. The confusion must move the Galran more than even the lion that’s started attacking the base, because he signals and they’re all running toward where Keith lays.

When they get Red to calm and Kolivan agrees to come back to the Castle Shiro can feel exhaustion,  _ Keith’s  _ exhaustion unless he’s somehow still wrong. He has so many questions about how this works and why it’s happened but they’re in a war and they must have time later because now is in no way the best time.

 

Except that Kolivan decides it is as Keith is carefully maneuvering.

 

“I assume you know little of the Galra as anything but enemies. There is something I believe you cannot wait to know, it can be a great strength but you must protect it or let it become a great weakness. Your bond.”

“My bond?” Keith is paying attention, but not fully, too busy cataloging the trials as fast as he can manage, he needs to be as close as put together as he can. He can’t let the others know how shredded he feels, it’s bad enough that Shiro’s seen parts. They’d never want such a weak paladin.

Shiro’s hand lands on his shoulder and Keith gazes up at him as Kolivan continues.

“Yes. I take it, by your bond-mates reaction that it is not a typical human thing and in fact I have only encountered it in those with Galran blood. We, for our warrior blood, are fierce in our loves. Galran’s do not take more than one mate in our lives, we are born with our other chosen by our hearts before we can ever know. It is not always perfect, but it is what we are. When we find them we share the things they feel, it allows us to know when they are in danger, and when they accept us it forges the bond in fire, taking it too a new level. The sharing is sacred and if we had known of yours we would not have exploited it.”

Keith doesn’t reply, his brows pulled together and Shiro can see him thinking, even as he himself absorbs.

They don’t say much else until they’re clear enough to hail Allura. Kolivan doesn’t push the topic and Shiro wonders if Keith has understood what he’s saying, what it means. He also is turning over the  _ for life  _ part of things, not that he doesn’t want that, but it feels as though he’s somehow robbed Keith of something important.

 

Things always seem to steal the time they need away and it’s not until much later, when the planning is mostly done and they’re able to catch a few minutes of rest, that they can talk about it.

 

Shiro is surprised when Keith finds him. Usually he’s the one reaching out, pulling Keith from his solitude, but the change is welcome, Shiro is at a loss for once. They’re sitting in the lounge, alone since the others have long since gone to get some rest, and Shiro is hyper aware of the feelings not his own, focusing hard on the faint emotions.

Keith is nervous and scared, which makes sense, but he’s also got this open bleeding feeling that Shiro aches to remove, the sense that he’s not good enough and Shiro needs to understand why so he can help. He tries to center himself, knowing that his own confusion and uncertainty will do nothing to help Keith.

It’s silent for so long Shiro thinks he might have to start anyway, but Keith finally breaks.

“Shiro...I’m sorry.”

“Why?”  Shiro’s voice is steady, he expected something like this and he’s always found Keith responds better to direct approaches.

“You didn’t ask for this. You had Adam and I...what I am made you-You were, fuck you are, so good Shiro. You’ve always been this warm spot of joy, right here,” Keith pushes his palm into the spot over his heart, his expression earnest and sad, “and I know what I felt in the Garrison, I know now that you must’ve had that, all of my-”

Shiro watches Keith struggle to find a good word, but he knows, he remembers the suffering and the anger that was so burning he wondered if it had felt as alien to Keith as it had to him. He thinks about the recent surges of it he’s felt again, toward the team, toward the Galra. It had quieted before he’d left for Kerebros but now it’s back and harsh as ever and he’s worried. It must leak through because Keith’s pinched expression smooths a little and he reaches for Shiro, like he wants to reassure him, but he stops, hovering.

Shiro thinks it’s ridiculous that they’re still dancing around each other when an alien spy leader literally told them they’re soulmates. He closes the distance, fingers tangling with Keith’s and squeezes, deciding that he’ll have to do a lot of the speaking for now.

“I know. I felt all of those things but it started to get better, you started to feel happier before I left. Now it’s like it’s getting bad again Keith, and I can’t even really feel the bond much anymore, I’m worried I’m making you worse. We need to fix this. The team doesn’t deserve to suffer because we can’t keep ourselves straight.” He sees Keiths face start to go slack, feels something twist that’s entirely his own and powers through, “More importantly because I want to be able to feel you again, properly.”

Well that’s not entirely what Shiro was going for but it’s more honest than his careful words might’ve been and Keith is looking at him with wide, naked hope, his fingers squeezing Shiro’s now.

“Shiro-” He is struggling and Shiro wants to help him but he gets the feeling that this is something Keith has to figure out himself, “Okay. I don’t know how to fix anything and I know it’s a lot and Kolivan said  _ for life  _ and that’s...I’m not asking you for that.”

“I’d give it.” Shiro says it firmly, nothing sets with him as true as his devotion to Keith, as the way that he can’t see himself without the other anymore and Keith’s starting to look a little starstruck and Shiro think it’s beautiful. The way eyes so blue they’re purple are blown wide and the light blue glow of Altean tech makes a halo in Keith’s dark hair, the part of his chapped lips. Shiro can’t say he hasn’t thought about it, at least in a passing moment. He let himself fantasize sometimes, when things were really bad, that he’d find someone to love him again, that Adam hadn’t been the last semblance of that sort of love he’d ever get.

“I know you don’t see me like Kolivan seemed to think and I don’t want you to feel like you have to-”

“I don’t.”

“I don’t want you to choose me out of  _ pity  _ Shiro.”

Keith’s voice is biting and his breathing is coming harder, the hand in Shiro’s tightening almost painfully. Shiro gives up his pretenses then and slides into Keith’s space, metal fingers holding the other’s chin firmly as he leans in until they’re sharing a breath.

“Keith Kogane I wouldn’t do any of this out of pity, I’ve never pitied you. Strength doesn’t deserve to be treated as weakness and you’re strong, if you weren’t you wouldn’t have saved me.”

 

Keith looks into his eyes and Shiro watches the unwinding of his thoughts, the way he goes from tense and reluctant to slowly relaxed, the hope blooming cautiously. Keith tips his chin and Shiro shifts his hold so he’s just cradling Keith’s face instead of holding him in place and then their kissing. Shiro’s had his share of kisses and some were certainly better but none were so sweet and none cause a flair of feeling to burst in him.

Keith’s lips slide against his and Shiro hums, feeling the amazement rolling through him, his own contentment and joy mingling with it until he doesn’t know where he ends and Keith begins. He pulls back long enough to wet his own lips and Keith mirrors him thoughtlessly before they come back together. The glide is smoother and Keith is a little bolder.

He kisses Shiro like he’s starving for the taste of him and what starts soft and sweet changes into something electric and Shiro  _ needs.  _ He pushes so he’s kneeling over Keith, hands capturing his face and kissing him hard, tongue demanding as Keith gasps softly. He groans at the taste and their shared hearts beat harder as he takes, pulling so Keith is leaning up in a way that can’t feel pleasant as Shiro deepens their kiss. Keith’s tongue pushes at his and it’s hot and Shiro can’t breath enough and he’s dizzy and Keith tastes like the stars feel. Shiro’s a lost man and then there’s a second flash.

 

_ Shiro, holy shit. _

 

The thought isn’t his own and in his shock Shiro pulls away, looking into Keith’s dazed eyes and tentatively thinking,  _ Keith? _

 

_ Um. Yeah hold on I- _

 

His thoughts dissolve into a swirl of wordless images and impressions, running over the taste of Shiro in his mouth and Shiro shudders. Keith’s feelings are so  _ strong _ and Shiro can’t get enough of him and he goes into to kiss him again, feeling Keith practically melt, his body shuddering. 

Shiro moans and starts to pull the younger man into his lap when a spike of fear crosses their bond and he freezes, breaking off to really look at Keith and he realizes, in the haze of thoughts coming through, he’s overwhelming him.

Gently he releases Keith, until he’s only touching his hand.

“Okay?”

Keith nods, blinking slowly, “I could hear you,” he brushes his temple and Shiro smiles, “and it was good, I loved it, but it’s also a lot? I couldn’t handle so much at once...I’m sorry.”

Shiro shakes his head, “I should’ve pushed. You were so  _ loud _ in my head and here,” he touches the fingers of his galra hand to his chest, “I got carried away.”

Keith huffs, “We need to talk to Kolivan.”

Shiro hums, “Yeah. First though, are you okay with this?”

The look Keith gives him makes him grin and he realizes that it’s a stupid question, he can feel Keith’s happiness after all. Speaking of which…

“I can’t hear your thoughts now.”

Keith frowns, focusing and shakes his head. Another question for the leader of the blades then, maybe one that will have to wait.

“Let’s get some sleep. We can talk more after we finish planning. We’ve got an Empire to take down.”

Keith laughs a little at that, but goes along easily, they’ll have time later, they have too.

 

Time is fickle and Keith should know better, but Shiro’s hope buzzes in his chest and he pushes away the thoughts that will come to haunt him.


End file.
